Consumer Pawn

I find the best time to peruse the stores is when I'm really tired.
I can wander without motivation and not get frustrated. Unfortunately it isn't without its consequences, as an internal critical dialogue begins. It revolves around the central question of "why am I doing this when I could be sleeping?" but strays to goods, signs and shoppers analysis.

"Can I help you?" is the death kill conversation opener and drips of desperation. I was hoping to exchange dull pleasantries but now I have to justify my existence just to begin a conversation. With my sleep walking and happy temperament interrupted, the inevitable "just looking" comes out and my retreat to the exit.

Friendlier conversations may be in the tone of friends stopping by for coffee, all warm and fuzzy. Reacting favourably to this atmosphere, unwittingly makes me the pawn in the brutal retail game and then I have to question my motivations for shopping.
Does my self-esteem, validity or existence really hinge on a shop assistant, who just wants to sell me something.

Being ignored is expected, maybe if I was awake, I'd take offence. No point coming back when I'm now a member of the rejection club and a number.

An internal monologue can lead to irrational choices and perceptions, but it livens up the most trivial situation. Just turn it off when you see a movie. You start to question why an actor is wearing an ugly shirt or when the actress will pick up her handbag.